20 things that KIDS really want from their mothers…VS 20 Things that MOTHERS really want from their kids.


What do our kids really want from us?

What do we really want from them?

1. Not to run the nit comb upwards so confidently through the hair on the nape of their neck.

1. To stop bringing nits home…please

2 Not to go off on one during the process of getting ready for school..

2. To have the skill to get up, get dressed, have breakfast, be organised and locate shoes without sending out a search party before leaving for school.

3. To say it’s absolutely ok to keep faffing about after bedtimes. 

3. To go to bed and immediately go to sleep.

4 To stop expecting them to pick their clothes up.

4. To not expect that clothes, bags, coats, shoes etc are ok to be discarded onto the floor in a natural motion and dropped without a second thought regardless as to where they are standing or walking through.

To have an ability to ‘clean as they go’

5 To stop expecting them to put their uniforms tidy.

5. To present themselves in the morning looking like they have placed their uniforms on the bannister the night before like instructed.

To not present themselves saying they have done this whilst standing in a uniform that will need heavily dousing in steam to remove creases.

6. To stop telling them they’ll go to school with no shoes on.

6. To understand that they will go to school without shoes on and believe that it is not an idle threat each morning & put their shoes where they’ll locate them in a swift manner the next time they have to put them on.

7. To be able to complain about dinner.

7. To not complain about dinner in any manner during the cooking process, whilst it’s being dished up or  whilst eating it. 

To finish their dinner in a thankful & grateful way with a smile on their face. To wear a game face that portrays you are enjoying every last mouthful.

Eat every last mouthful.

8. To not have to turn the t.v down.

8. To realise that if the t.v is turned off it is a consequence of their own actions for not adhering to the rules & moaning about said consequence is just rude & will not get the t.v switched back on.

To not think I’m stupid & remember I have a third ear that can multitask in its listening.

To have the knowledge that I am not deaf & am very aware that the volume on the t.v is being slowly re-adjusted & creeping back up after I’ve instructed it to be turned down. 

9. To have pop whenever they want.

9. To Understand that having  squash or water to drink is completely normal & have the knowledge that pop is just a treat.

Know that it’s not acceptable to think you’ll be permitted to have pop just because you can’t be bothered to make yourself a drink.

10. And whatever they want for pudding.

10. Be happy with an ice lolly for pudding.

Have an understanding that pudding allocation decisions are final, if a yogurt is allocated for pudding you will not be able to have something different just because you’ve vocalised you distaste at the limited choice. Saying you don’t want pudding should not be used so flippantly as an excuse to get out of eating your dinner and they’ll be no going back on your choice to skip pudding once that choice has been made 30 minutes later.

11. To stop putting things in their packed lunch bags which came home rejected in their packed lunch bags the day before.

11. To present me with a lunch bag void of all food items but still with the teaspoon and drinks bottle alongside.

12. To stop having the ability to hear the fridge open or the cupboards rustling and homing in from another room.

12. To stop routing through the fridge or cupboards (especially teenagers) & eating the staple ingredients for a family meal, or opening things and eating a small part of the packet and leaving the rest without informing anyone only to be discovered when the rest of the packet has gone mouldy and is unusable. 

13. To stop asking them to ‘get out of the fridge’

13. To know it’s not ok to eat all the essentials for the pack ups whenever they want and understand dad will go off on one if you eat the chocolate bars (Mars, Snickers etc) when their are Penguins readily available & allocated for the kids. 

This applies to the freezer to. Stop leaving have filled cups of drink in there.

14.To stop thinking its ok to taste test a bit of all food that is dished up (mummy taxing) first & expect to have a bag of crisps opened with losing a few as payment.

14. To have the knowledge that ‘mummy tax’ is an existing fee that all mums take payment of. Any edible item that passes through mums grip is prone to be taste tested at any given time. 

15. Stop criticising their vocal tones. 

15. Understand that the tone in your voice can determine any mood and has the ability to change my mood in a split second.

Understand the use of any voice/tone that is associated with any character in the ‘Charlie & the Chocolate Factory’ is wholly unacceptable and will flash me up. 

Vocally portraying The Omen is not a tone to pride yourself on & will not do you well. 

16. To stop moaning at the shortage of space in the bed when they appear in the night. 

16. To know that mum loves a cuddle and will spend the night squeezing and kissing you if you expect to sleep in her bed. Have an understanding that it is still her bed though and have the knowledge that kicking the covers off is not acceptable & don’t get gnarly when she gets agitated by being slapped in the face by your flailing arms at 2.30am. 

17. To stop putting the toys away (Especially toddlers)

17. To stop making such a mess in a path of destruction type way, all the time, continuously.

18. To agree with something that’s said.

18. To stop disagreeing with everything. 

19. To stop trying to be cool in front of their mates.

19. For them to tell their mates they have the coolest parents ever.

20. To always know that they are loved.

20. To always know that they are loved.

Teetering on the school run. 

Teetering on that fine line of balance trying to smoothly sail through the school run process without descending into a chaos of irretrievable tag team shouting that will only leave us with unforgiving kisses at the school gates & a walk home awash with guilt is something that happens….well it does here.

It’s not how mornings are planned but that point of no return is such an accessible place to arrive at but such a difficult place to return from once you’ve hurtled full force over it without a safety net or a line to pull you back..

Having my eyes pinged open to a morning chorus of bitching and griping amongst the kids, happily throwing undertones of vocal gnarliness at each other is NOT going to start the day well, (and they know that) there’s not even a snooze option, just a realisation that you’re going to be fighting to let it all go over your head….easier said than done. 

The ironicness is that the sky is blue and the morning sun is streaming feelings of Spring through the  window informing you it’s a beautiful day… but they still choose to open their eyes with a main aim of talking to each other like crap about absolutely mindless things, things that really don’t matter. Talking like crap just for the sake of it.

This morning I opened my eyes to a full scale verbal war because one of the preteens farted whilst walking past the others room, it could of been intentional (& there’d be no surprise for those actions), but it was used as a tool to prompt an onslaught of personal attacks over the smallest of things…in short, it wasn’t actually about the fart, the fart was irrelevant. It was an excuse.

There’s a certain tone in their voices that portrays their mood. That tone was my dawn chorus & even though the words were a jumble the situation was clearly apparent.

So through blurry eyes (and desperately not wanting too) that then becomes my stance. 

Knowing I should be the adult makes it worse but I seem to head down the path of playing them at their own game in a ‘see you don’t like it’ sort of way in a desperation that they’ll grasp onto the knowledge that it’s really not nice and they’ll then wholeheartedly live and die by the morals of treating others the way you’d like to be treated yourself….who am I kidding. 

I can live with missing shoes (missing being defined as a lack of looking) and elusive hairbrushes (even though we’ve got enough kicking about to fill a hair salon) 

Their inability to share the bathroom is bearable and being dragged into unresponsive statue like states by the TV doesn’t bother me overly, but talking to each other like complete tripe drives me crazy, it’s the unwanted weight that thunders into me when I’m balancing. 

In an ideal world I’d ignore it, don an apron and whip up a tower of pancakes to happily fill their bellies & see them off with a beautiful organisation & ample words to fill them with the knowledge that I’ll pine for them all day and count down the minutes til their happy faces returned.

The reality- I utter and mumble & have them make do with toast with a lecture about world hunger and their luckiness to have what they do, I point out their need to tidy their rooms the second they return home  from school to make amends and promise them that they’ll spend every second in each other’s company (even if it’s til adulthood) until learn to get on, be nice & respect each other. No care is taken in the packed lunch making…In short  I crash, bash & make my disappointment evident, I partake the school run like a fishwife with a bunch of children with faces looking like smacked bums. 

I dish out kisses but I’m sure it’s an obligation. 

I walk home under a beautiful blue sky exuding hints of Spring feeling like shit and promises that tomorrow I won’t slip from that fine line. I’ll still teeter but I will not fall. 

Why can’t they just be nice? 

I love them with every morsel of my being but I falter. 

3.30 they’ll come crashing through the door dumping their wares, heading for the fridge and the process will start again.

In our house we have a dysfunctional normality and although it’s not evident within the dawn chorus we do exude love for each other, mostly.